Office Secretary

Sarah the sexy secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you"
"Sarah honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You aren't sterile....."

Monday mornings

This company hires a new guy and he's supposed to start work on a Monday, but instead of showing up he calls his boss and says, "I'm sick."

His boss tells him not to worry and lets him have the day off.

The guy then shows up at work on Tuesday morning and works throughout the week, greatly impressing everyone with his diligence and ability.

The next Monday he once again calls his boss and says, "I'm sick."

The boss reluctantly excuses him again, but takes note that this is the second Monday in a row that he hasn't been in.

Once again the man shows up on Tuesday morning and works furiously throughout the week.

The following Monday he calls his boss again and says, "I'm sick."

His boss excuses him, but decides to castigate the man on Tuesday.

Tuesday comes and as soon as the guy shows up, his boss calls him into his office.

"What's happening?" asks the boss. "I can see you're a hard worker, but you've only been here three weeks and you've called in sick every Monday."

The bloke replies, "Well, my sister is in a bad marriage and I go over to console her every Monday morning before work. One thing leads to another and we end up having sex all day long."

"Your sister!" says the boss, "That's disgusting!"

The man replies, "I told you I was sick."

The New Maid

A society lady runs into the employment office one day and
demands a maid "right now". It seems she's having a dinner
party that night and her maid quit.

The guy in the agency explains that all the girls he has
right now have just gotten off the boat from Ireland.
They're untrained. The lady says she'll train the girl but
needs someone right away.

The agency guy asks for volunteers and Molly comes forward.
She agrees to go and be trained.

Well, the dinner party comes and goes and works out just
fine. Molly does a great job. The next morning, the lady's
walking down the upstairs hall and sees Molly in one of the
guest rooms. Looks like she's making the bed but she's just
standing there.

Curious, the woman walks in and looks over Molly's shoulder.
There on the bed lies a condom.

The lady turns bright red and tries to laugh it off. "Why
Molly," she says, "Surely you have those in Ireland, don't
you?"

Molly: "Shurin we do madam, but we don't skin em."

If you are Caught Sleeping at The Office

Top ten reasons to tell if you were caught sleeping at the office.

10. They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
9. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.
8. Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time.
7. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
6. I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.
5. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercies to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?
4. Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem!
3. The coffee machine is broken.
2. Someone must have put the decaf in the wrong pot.
1. Amen.

Office Joke: Job Interview

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four."
The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says
"Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"