A Day in Court
After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very
high-profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its
14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to
deliver its verdict to the judge.
The judge turned to the jury foreman and asked, "Has the
jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes we have, Your Honor," the foreman responded.
"Please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned
for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the
foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge read the verdict himself, he delivered the
verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the
foreman. He then instructed the foreman, "Please read your
verdict to the court."
"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank
robbery," announced the foreman.
The family and friends of the defendant jumped for joy at
the sound of the "not guilty" verdict, and they hugged each
other as they shouted expressions of divine gratitude. The
defendant's attorney turned to his client and asked, "So,
what do you think about that?"
The defendant looked around the courtroom slowly with a
bewildered look on his face and then turned to his defense
attorney and said, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean
that I have to give all the money back?"
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
A Day in Court
Monday, September 28, 2009
The old man was a witness in a burglary trial.
The defense lawyer asked Sam, "Did you see my client commit
"Yes," said Sam, "I plainly saw him take the goods."
The lawyer asked again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are
you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes," said Sam, "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asked, "Sam, listen: you are 80 years old
and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see
Sam replied, "I can see the moon -- how far is that?"
Sunday, September 27, 2009
the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her
mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast
on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some
of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong
and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and
then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, an d added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you she died in
Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections. "
Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Citibank: "Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both !"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?" (I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Duh!)
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Citibank : "The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply." (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)
Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
< B>Family Member: "Sure." (Fax number is given )
After they get the fax:
Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep bi lling her. I don't think she will care."
Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Citibank< /B>: "That might help."
Family Member: " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet???