3 Guys in a Sauna

Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound.

The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped.

The others looked at him questioningly.

"That was my pager,"he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang.

The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Texan felt decidedly low tech, but not to be undone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The Texan said .... "Well, dang-it, would you look at that, I'm getting a fax."

Potato Garden

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES.
Love Bubba

At 4 A.M.. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Bubba

Divorce?

For those who English is their second language:

A Polish lad married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." the lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the folling questions"
LAWYER: Have you any grounds? POLE: Ja, Ja, and acre and half.
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?
POLE: No, I'm always up before her.
LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger? POLE: No, she white.
LAWYER: Why do you want this divorce?POLE: She going to kill me.
LAWYER: What makes you think that? POLE: I got proof.
LAWYER: What kind of proof? POLE: She bought a bottle at the drug store and put it on shelp in bathroom. I can read... it said
"POLISH REMOVER"

Naughty mind....High expectations

It was professor smith's first day at St. Johns medical college as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.

To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy".

He gazed across the classroom, spotted a female student Suzie, and said, "Tell me Suzie, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?"

Hearing this question, Suzie's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question".

Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor smith rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query.

This time he located a male student Henry, who had already raised his hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead.

Henry answered: "pupil of a human eye".

The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned back to Suzie and said: "look, Suzie, I am sorry but, I must tell you a couple of things:
(1) You lack knowledge
(2) you have a dirty mind and
(3) Your Expectations are too high !!!!!!!(10 times....... ...huh... ...MY GOD!!)