Tuesday, March 30, 2010

44th Birthday

Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn`t feeling too good that morning.
I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me.
As it turned out, she didn`t even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday.
I thought, well, that`s wives for you, the children will remember...The children came in to breakfast and didn`t say a word.
So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent..
As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss, Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.
I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it`s such a beautiful day outside, and it`s your birthday, let`s go to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "That`s the greatest thing I`ve heard all day, let`s go!"
We went to lunch we didn`t go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it`s such a beautiful day, we don`t need to go back to the office, do we?"
I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let`s go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don`t mind, I think I`ll go into the bedroom. "Sure!" I excitedly replied.
She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
And I just sat there...on the couch...naked.

Office Secretary

Sarah the sexy secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you"
"Sarah honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."
"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You aren't sterile....."

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Welcome to AmericaWelcome to America

A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United
States . He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and
says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving
me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!"

The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having
such a beautiful country here in America ."
The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America !"
That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East .. I am
not American."

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Canada."

Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"
The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work."